


Turn it Off and Walk Away

by pandorasv13



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Internet, M/M, Online Dating, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 02:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/843995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasv13/pseuds/pandorasv13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes…I just don’t know how to deal with everything. I hate my life. I hate my family. They all think I’m stupid and they treat me horribly. When I’m around, I feel like no one wants me there and I just end up getting even more depressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn it Off and Walk Away

May 19, 20XX [11:14 P.M.] LS_90: Sometimes…I just don’t know how to deal with everything. I hate my life. I hate my family. They all think I’m stupid and they treat me horribly. When I’m around, I feel like no one wants me there and I just end up getting even more depressed.

 

May 19, 20XX [11:16 P.M.] Ryeo15: I’m sorry that you feel that way…but I’m here for you. I always want to be there for you, so you can rely on me when you’re feeling bad about things. I understand what it’s like to be alone and afraid of all the hate in the world.

 

May 19, 20XX [11:17 P.M.] LS_90: You think you understand, but you don’t. No one understands me. They don’t try to understand me and I don’t care about people who pretend like they do.

 

“Fuckin’ douche-wad,” Kyuhyun deadpanned, picking up his controller again and resuming his racing video game.

“What?” Ryeowook stared at his best friend, confused and almost irritated. “How can you say that? He’s upset—”

“—Attention-whoring-fuckin’-douche-wad,” he sing-sang, body veering one way as the car in the game turned sharply. “I’m not messing around. Really, anyone who drops that stuff online to you isn’t a person you should concern yourself with. He’s just trying to use you, and you’re letting yourself be used.” Kyuhyun cursed as his vehicle was passed by a computer controlled player.

The boy frowned, fingers brushing over the keys as he considered what to type back in response. Just as he began drafting one, a new message popped up.

 

May 19, 20XX [11:22 P.M.] LS_90: Okay, whatever. I’m going to bed. Bye.

 

Ryeowook stared at the screen for a second before sighing and watching the green online circle go grey.

“Done chatting?” Kyuhyun called, turning around to look at his friend. “I bet so considering you’re upset. If he makes you so frustrated, why are you even together?”

“He makes me feel special and we relate with one another well. I can’t imagine someone better for me,” Ryeowook responded slowly, as if testing the words out.

Rolling his eyes, he set the controller down and came up behind Ryeowook, taking the computer mouse and scrolling up to previous messages exchanged between his friend and his friend’s online boyfriend. “He makes you feel special? Is it the super romantic venting or is it the verbal abuse? You tell me.” Kyuhyun highlighted a particular message from the previous day.

 

May 18, 20XX [2:34 A.M.] LS_90: What do you mean by that? God, you’re being stupid. It’s nothing. I don’t care about her, so stop being so jealous. It’s not attractive. Why can’t you be more considerate…? I just told you that I’ve been having the crappiest week of my life and then you go and say something like “I feel like we need to talk about our relationship”? How am I supposed to deal with that right now? Do you know how many projects and assignments I have due for school? I thought you would be here for me when I’m struggling and tired and stressed. Just be a boyfriend for once, Ryeowook. That’s all I’m asking.

 

“I wanna punch this asshole in the face,” Kyuhyun stated, jaw set, “And you can’t even see what’s wrong with this message.”

Ryeowook folded his hands in lap, looking down and holding his tongue.

“You don’t get it, do you?” he muttered, backing up and leaning against the edge of the table. “Don’t hold yourself back. I’m not one of your online buddies. I’m here in the flesh and I can see it on your face that you wanna say something. There’s no reason for you to be silent. I’m not going to leave you, no matter what you say.”

His eyes widened and he accidentally lifted his head. Kyuhyun was watching him, a smirk gracing his features. Ryeowook’s face heated up and he made an annoyed sound. “Stop teasing me,” he sighed, “and stop talking as if you know what’s going on.”

“Bull shit!” Kyuhyun scoffed, “I know enough.”

“You don’t know anything about him!” he argued, “He cares about me. We talk all the time and he’s not always like the messages that you saw. He’s sweet and caring and when I talk to him, I feel like I’m not alone. Isn’t that why we make friends and have lovers? It’s so we can fight the loneliness.”

“False,” he shook his head, shrugging, “Completely wrong.”

“How?” Ryeowook grimaced.

Kyuhyun looked down at the computer screen. “We make friends so we can share in the good times and the bad times. Friends don’t fight your loneliness away. Their main purpose is to make you feel safe and loved – same goes for a lover. Boyfriends and girlfriends are significant others that give you strength and comfort when you can’t believe in yourself. It’s one road with two travelers holding hands. That’s what someone told me once.” He watched Ryeowook’s irritation fading into something much more somber and denial-ridden. Was that a good thing? Nope.

“But—”

“—you’re refusing to see the truth for what it is,” Kyuhyun cut him off, “Being with this guy is unhealthy for both of you. If he makes you feel bad and upset, then there’s already something wrong with this relationship.”

Ryeowook frowned. “Well then are you saying that no online relationship works?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I’m saying that your situation isn’t working. You don’t need to rely on someone who can’t even hold you when you’re upset. He doesn’t know your expressions. He doesn’t know anything but the words you can falsely type out. How is he supposed to ever understand you, if he can’t even tell when he’s hurting you?”

He sighed. “You just don’t understand.”

“That is the biggest joke I have ever heard,” Kyuhyun crossed his arms, eyes darkening as he looked down at his seated friend.

“It’s not!” Ryeowook argued desperately. “You really don’t know anything about the way he makes me feel. I’m so happy when he’s around and I love knowing that someone out there cares about me!” He stopped himself, catching his breath and squeezing the soft fabric of his pajama pants.

Kyuhyun’s expression softened the slightest bit. “…He’s not the one for you.”

Tears formed in the small boy’s eyes. “…He can be.”

“You’re right that I don’t know anything about how he makes you feel, but I do know my best friend. I know that you hold yourself back because you don’t want to hurt people. I know plenty more than that guy will ever know.”

“Ever is a long time,” Ryeowook retorted quietly.

“But your relationship with him isn’t,” Kyuhyun shot back mildly, not enjoying the way he made Ryeowook flinch at the words. “He’s a poison. No matter what you do, he’s never completely satisfied. If it isn’t all about him, then it’s about no one. I’m not saying he’s a bad person, I’m saying that he’s just so focused on himself that clearly he isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship with you or anyone for that matter.”

When there was no reply, Kyuhyun ran fingers through his hair in exasperation. “How old is he again?”

“Fifteen,” Ryeowook mumbled.

“That young?” he blinked, surprised. “Oh well, there you go. That explains everything, doesn’t it?” Kyuhyun smiled faintly.

“How?”

“A fifteen year old doesn’t know anything about serious relationships, let alone long distance-internet relationships,” he responded monotonously, “…he’s too immature right now. Don’t hold it against him, but it’s still not right to be involved in something like this, Ryeowook.”

“…How do you know that in a few years he won’t be ready?”

Kyuhyun thought about that for a moment before chuckling. “If he comes back to you in a few years, then he’s the one. Simple.”

Ryeowook seemed to consider the thought for a while and then he smiled faintly. “…Yeah, I guess you’re right. If he comes back to me, that means we’re supposed to be together.”

“In the mean time,” Kyuhyun circled back around to the video game console, “you should start paying attention to the people who actually care about you. The ones that you can touch and hold and laugh with and look at,” he glanced at Ryeowook, seeing the boy staring back at him. “Friends in flesh and blood are important too, Ryeowook.”

“They’re harder to get along with,” he stated, blushing.

Kyuhyun chuckled. “They aren’t. You’re just bad at it.”

“Hey!” he frowned.

“When you’re bad at something, you just have to get good at it.” He picked up a controller. “Everyone wants a friend. The only reason someone doesn’t have friends is because they choose not to have them, or they have yet to find the right person to be their friend. So if I’m not good enough,” Kyuhyun smirked as if that was an impossible idea, “then wait for the right person to come along. They’ll be your best friend for life…just don’t think everyone can be your friend.”

Ryeowook slowly sank down beside Kyuhyun, taking the controller offered to him. “I like how you speak, Kyu.”

“Of course you do,” he said simply, “because I know you best. I’m your greatest friend.”

“…I wouldn’t go that far.”

Kyuhyun shot him a look. “Excuse me?”

“I’m just kidding,” he laughed, bumping the other boy’s shoulder as the game resumed and they raced down the track.

Ryeowook glanced up at his computer screen, seeing a reply message pop up on the screen.

 

May 20, 20XX [12:07 A.M.] Ryeo15: We should stop seeing one another. I need my space…sorry…I think that right now, it would be best for us to be apart. We’re at different points in our life and I can’t be a good support for you. So, I hope you understand.

 

May 20, 20XX [12:16 A.M.] LS_90: Everyone abandons me…even you. I thought you would be the only one to not abandon me. Thanks for nothing.

Kyuhyun barked out a laugh. “Oh my fuck, did he really just do that? Attention whoring shit,” he stated without a hint of remorse. The game was paused again.

“You don’t know what sort of stress he’s under,” Ryeowook sighed, trying to defend the boy.

“I know that he’s ungrateful and completely unprepared for being anywhere near you. He’s a messed up little kid that needs to start growing up already. It’s not your fault that he feels bad about himself. It’s his problem.”

“How can you say that so easily?” he shook his head, half-awed and half-confused.

Kyuhyun thought for a second and then grinned. “Because I’m confident about myself and I know what low self esteem looks like.” He yawned and picked up a bag of chips. “He just wants someone to make him feel like the best thing to have ever graced this earth. He needs to learn that someone like that doesn’t exist online. If he wants to meet someone who will treat him like that, then he needs to get outside and meet a real person.”

“I am a real person,” Ryeowook mumbled.

“You’re not real enough,” he said around a mouthful of chips. Kyuhyun swallowed before continuing, “Look this is getting stupid. Just don’t respond. He’ll learn that life isn’t about him. Life is about the things you do in it. He’s thinking that everything revolves around him, but he’s just another person orbiting around life. Giving him attention will just feed his need to be told how wonderful he is. People who act in this way are bottomless feeding holes. They won’t be satisfied no matter what you say.”

“So are we just supposed to abandon every depressed person on the internet?”

Kyuhyun laughed. “Everyone on the internet is depressed anyway, why do you feel like some are more important than others?”

“I don’t…it’s just those are the people I’ve met,” Ryeowook responded.

“Look,” he shifted around, setting the bag of chips back down, “people who are sincerely fighting depression and their own self-hate will find someone in real life to save them – even if that’s a police officer or a social worker or their school counselor. Going to the internet is the number one way to never get out a depression.” Kyuhyun rested his head on knees, looking up at Ryeowook. “People who resort to the internet aren’t looking for a way out, they’re looking for a group of friends that can sympathize with them. They don’t realize that real friends are out to save you, not make you feel like you’re part of some freaky depression group. It’s self-destructive and useless.”

“Before you say anything,” Kyuhyun stopped Ryeowook who huffed and sat back, “listen some more. You tell me of someone who has felt better about themselves after chatting with a group of strangers through a fucking computer screen. No one ever feels better. They all just post gifs and memes and depressing shit so they get a moment’s ease. Depression isn’t overcome on the internet. That’s the last place you should be going if you need an ego boost and a helping hand.” He nodded at the screen where the reply message was split flashing. “He’s right about one thing. People abandon others online because they can with minimal guilt. Just turn off the screen and it’s like they’re gone. The pain and stress of trying to help them is gone. Life doesn’t work like that though. That’s why real friends are more important than anything else.”

“That’s heavy, Kyuhyun,” Ryeowook blurted, letting out a breath he hadn’t meant to hold. “…you’re right.”

“I know I am,” he chuckled, grinning easily.

“I still worry.”

“You can’t help it,” Kyuhyun smiled, reaching out to pat Ryeowook’s knee, “you’re nice.”

“Are you not?”

“Only to you,” he answered.

Ryeowook laughed, letting out an uneasy sigh. “I guess it’s really the end.” He looked at the screen, hesitating as he hovered over the contact delete button. “…Aren’t I doing the same thing all of those other people did? I’m just turning off the screen and letting him disappear.”

“He already feels abandoned,” Kyuhyun shrugged, “this won’t change anything.”

“What if he kills himself because I left?”

“One, you would never know anyway,” Kyuhyun pointed out, “but more importantly, two, if he’s planning to kill himself over something like this, then it was never about you. Suicide isn’t something thought about lightly. He probably has much more going on in his life and you’re not the reason that he would end it all.”

“What if I’m the trigger though?” Ryeowook tilted his head, knees pulled up to his chest then.

“The trigger doesn’t matter. If the gun is loaded already, then there’s no stopping it anyway.” Kyuhyun grabbed Ryeowook’s hand, “Now let’s go finish our game. I’ve been waiting to beat you all night.”

He hesitated, but then he deleted the contact and shut down the computer. “Okay,” Ryeowook slid down next to his friend, “…thanks.”

“I’m here to save you. There’s no reason to say thanks.”


End file.
